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DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS

PHILADELPHIA (SatireWire.com) – The Declaration of Independence, proclaimed 235 years ago, originally contained a dozen unalienable rights, including life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, gluten-free snack crackers, the right to stone witches recreationally. For more [Read More]

COURT REJECTS VID GAME BAN, LAUNCHES ‘CHAMBERS OF DEATH’

COURT REJECTS VID GAME BAN, LAUNCHES ‘CHAMBERS OF DEATH’

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Supreme Court Monday rejected a ban on violent video games, calling it a coincidence that the court simultaneously released Jurisprudence II: Chambers of Death, a role-playing, first-person shooter starring the nine justices. [Read More]

U.S. TO BUILD DEBT SKYSCRAPER

U.S. TO BUILD DEBT SKYSCRAPER

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a surprisingly lofty compromise to the debt crisis, the U.S. today announced it will replace its single-ceiling debt structure with a modern, 108-story debt tower, allowing the government to “stack debt to heaven” for generations. [Read More]

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

APOCALYPSE DELAYED IN ATLANTA, APOLOGIZES

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- The Apocalypse missed a connection in Atlanta and failed to arrive on Saturday at 6 p.m. as originally scheduled. The Apocalypse apologizes for any inconvenience and will reschedule as soon as possible. The Apocalypse’s full statement follows: [Read More]

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

HAWKING: THERE IS NO HEAVEN. ANIMALS: HA! FUCK YOU, HUMANS.

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Animals across the world were laughing themselves sick today after world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking conceded in an interview that there was no God, heaven, or afterlife for humans. [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR GETTING TRUMP TO DROP OUT

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, a “huge and monumental” decision that he claimed never would have happened if he hadn’t intervened to talk himself out of running. [Read More]

PHOTOSHOPPERS DEMAND RELEASE OF BIN LADEN IMAGE

PHOTOSHOPPERS DEMAND RELEASE OF BIN LADEN IMAGE

PALO ALTO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Millions of Photoshop users today circulated a Photoshopped image of Photoshoppers protesting outside the White House to show their anger at President Obama for refusing to release a photo of Osama bin Laden’s corpse - a photo they said [Read More]

OBAMA ACCUSED OF POLITICIZING KILLING OF BIN LADEN BY KILLING BIN LADEN

OBAMA ACCUSED OF POLITICIZING KILLING OF BIN LADEN BY KILLING BIN LADEN

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Republicans today accused President Obama of needlessly politicizing Osama bin Laden's death by intentionally being the President at the time of Osama bin Laden's death. [Read More]

TRUMP CLAIMS OBAMA NOT

TRUMP CLAIMS OBAMA NOT

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- Barack Obama was not born in Hawaii because his birth certificate does not exist as nothing can be proven to exist outside one’s self and therefore proof that a thing, such as a birth certificate, exists, is only possible to the person who [Read More]

FOX BLASTS OBAMA FOR LANDING ABORTION

FOX BLASTS OBAMA FOR LANDING ABORTION

ANDREWS AIR FORCE BASE, MD (SatireWire) -- A plane carrying First Lady Michelle Obama had to abort its landing Monday, quickly drawing fire from Fox News and Right to Land groups who said they believe landing begins at descent. [Read More]

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PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

PUTIN-OBAMA MEMES

(SatireWire.com) After doing his part to swing the U.S. election for Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin has [Read More]

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

TRUMP APPOINTS ANGRY, RACIST COFFEE MUG TO TRANSITION TEAM

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - In the latest staff shakeup, President-elect Donald Trump today reportedly replaced key [Read More]

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

ELECTION CHANGES POLITICAL LANDSCAPE INSIDE MARRIAGE

RICHMOND, VA – Donald Trump’s shock election has dramatically shifted the political landscape in the home of [Read More]

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

AMERICANS DESPERATELY TRYING TO REMEMBER ELECTION SAFE WORD

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Pushed to the limits of pain by an election that was initially entertaining but [Read More]

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

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