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LUCKY S&P ANALYST CAN’T BELIEVE HE GETS TO DOWNGRADE U.S. AGAIN

LUCKY S&P ANALYST CAN’T BELIEVE HE GETS TO DOWNGRADE U.S. AGAIN

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) – Less than two years after downgrading the credit rating of the United States – a historical first -- Standard & Poor’s analyst Gary Gardener cannot believe he may get the chance to do it again. [Read More]

TO HONOR FISCAL CLIFF, NEW YEAR’S BALL TO FALL OFF BUILDING, SMASH

TO HONOR FISCAL CLIFF, NEW YEAR’S BALL TO FALL OFF BUILDING, SMASH

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – In honor of the fiscal cliff’s 2013 arrival, Times Square organizers today said this New Year’s Eve, the gigantic crystal ball will slide down its traditional 77-foot flagpole, then plunge another 395 feet to the ground, where it will smash [Read More]

NORQUIST TO STRANGLE A PUPPY FOR EACH BROKEN TAX PLEDGE

NORQUIST TO STRANGLE A PUPPY FOR EACH BROKEN TAX PLEDGE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist today denied he is angry with Republicans who have turned against his no-tax pledge, insisting they are free to do whatever they want, including choose the color and breed of each puppy he intends to [Read More]

SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

SEX SCANDAL REVEALS U.S. MAY BE AT WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In yet another shocking turn, the unraveling Pentagon sex scandal has revealed the United States is involved in what appears to be some kind of war in Afghanistan. [Read More]

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

PAUL RYAN SUDDENLY REAL BUSY WHENEVER MITT ROMNEY CALLS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Paul Ryan hasn’t returned Mitt Romney’s phone calls since the election because he’s probably so busy catching up with work, according to the defeated GOP presidential candidate, who said it’s cool he’ll just, you know, maybe [Read More]

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

COLORADO LEGALIZES POT; UNIV. OF COLORADO APPS SKYROCKET

BOULDER, CO (SatireWire.com) -- Applications to the University of Colorado have shot up 5,000 percent in the past 48 hours, leaving school officials “mystified and delighted” by the influx of more than a million new admissions forms. In other news, Colorado legalized [Read More]

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

AMERICANS VOTE TO CONTINUE BANGING HEAD AGAINST WALL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- After years of banging their heads against a wall in frustration over the inability of the White House and Congress to work together, Americans went to the polls Tuesday and voted overwhelmingly to continue banging their heads against a [Read More]

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NYC STREETS PRE-LINED WITH PEOPLE FOR MARATHON

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – The New York City Marathon will go on as planned Sunday because nothing says New York is back to normal like thousands of perfectly healthy individuals rushing past people in need and ignoring them, Mayor Michael Bloomberg said today. [Read More]

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

(FAKE) FACT-CHECKING THE DEBATE

BOCA RATON, FL (SatireWire.com) – President Obama did not apologize to the world but did have make-up sex with India, while Mitt Romney supports Israel so much he wants to buy it. It’s the final presidential debate fact check. [Read More]

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

FBI LAUNCHES OWN AL QAEDA CELL TO LURE WOULD-BE TERRORISTS

NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) -- In an effort to streamline terrorist sting operations, the FBI today said it has launched its own al Qaeda cell, which is much better funded and organized, allowing amateur 'would-be' terrorists to quickly become convictable, ‘is-now’ [Read More]

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ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous [Read More]

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early [Read More]

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

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