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REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

REPORTS POSTED ACROSS INTERNET PROVE CHINA INNOCENT OF HACKING

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- The People’s Republic of China has never hacked into corporate computers or web sites and any claims to the contrary are completely false, according to a report posted online today by The New York Times and, simultaneously, NBC, CBS, ABC, the [Read More]

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

SLAP-A-TIKE DAY CARE CENTERS SUDDENLY UNDER SCRUTINY

CHARLOTTE, NC (SatireWire.com) -- Public outrage over a 60-year-old man who allegedly slapped a toddler on a Delta flight has put Slap-a-Tike Day Care Centers on the defensive, with many wondering why the nationwide chain hasn’t raised red flags before. [Read More]

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

PEACE CORPS EXPANDS TO COVER SUDAN, ERITREA, CARNIVAL CRUISES

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- The Peace Corps today announced it will expand its third-world missions by regularly sending volunteers to Sudan, Eritrea, and Carnival Cruise Lines. [Read More]

STEVEN CHU SULKING OVER U.S. GOVT NOT GETTING WIPED OUT

STEVEN CHU SULKING OVER U.S. GOVT NOT GETTING WIPED OUT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Sulking Energy Secretary Steven Chu, the cabinet member designated to sit out the State of the Union address in the event the entire U.S. leadership was killed, has been unable to hide his disappointment ever since the President returned [Read More]

BOEING INTRODUCES THE NEW 797 DREAMDRONE

BOEING INTRODUCES THE NEW 797 DREAMDRONE

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- Targeting the growing drone market, Boeing today unveiled the 797 Dreamdrone, describing it as the largest, most comfortable and passenger-friendly unmanned aircraft ever made and not at all one of their defective 787 Dreamliners with the windows [Read More]

USPS WORKERS LOSE OPTION TO GO POSTAL ON SATURDAYS

USPS WORKERS LOSE OPTION TO GO POSTAL ON SATURDAYS

OLYMPIA, WA (SatireWire.com) -- The United States Postal Service’s decision to cease Saturday mail delivery was disappointing news to veteran letter carriers across the country who say they will now never get the opportunity to go postal on a weekend. [Read More]

“RICHARD III” UPDATED TO ACCOUNT FOR CAR PARK, TRAFFIC ISSUES

“RICHARD III” UPDATED TO ACCOUNT FOR CAR PARK, TRAFFIC ISSUES

LEICESTER, ENGLAND (SatireWire.com) – After learning that the remains of Richard III were found under a car park in Leicester, and not on Bosworth Field, Shakespeare scholars have moved quickly to update the classic tragedy to account for parking and traffic issues. Read [Read More]

NRA RESEARCH FINDS GUN CRIME RAMPANT BEFORE GUNS INVENTED

NRA RESEARCH FINDS GUN CRIME RAMPANT BEFORE GUNS INVENTED

FAIRFAX, VA (SatireWire.com) -- Expanding on their theory that more guns lead to less gun crime, and therefore fewer guns lead to more gun crime, NRA-backed researchers today said they have worked out that before guns were invented, everyone on the planet was killed by a [Read More]

PEOPLE GET FLU WAITING IN LINE FOR FLU SHOTS

PEOPLE GET FLU WAITING IN LINE FOR FLU SHOTS

BOSTON, MA (SatireWire.com) -- Americans crowding into hospitals, clinics and doctor’s offices to get flu shots are now the number one cause of the spread of the flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control. [Read More]

CONGRESS WELCOMES FIRST OPENLY BIPARTISAN REPRESENTATIVE

CONGRESS WELCOMES FIRST OPENLY BIPARTISAN REPRESENTATIVE

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – History was made Friday as Rep. Alice Healy of Wisconsin became the first openly bipartisan member of Congress. [Read More]

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ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous [Read More]

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early [Read More]

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them [Read More]

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

TRUMP CANCELS 2018 MIDTERMS TO THWART RUSSIAN MEDDLING

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an effort to keep Russia from interfering with democracy, the Trump administration today [Read More]

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

TRUMP WILL DEPLOY RUSSIAN TROOPS TO PURGE U.S. DEEP STATE

President Donald Trump today accepted an offer by Russian President Vladimir Putin to use “impartial” Russian [Read More]

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