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SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

SURVEY MORE OR LESS SAYS HALF OF AMERICANS GOING TO HELL

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- For the first time in the nation’s history, the majority of Americans are not Protestant and are therefore going to hell, a new Pew Research poll concluded if you think about it. [Read More]

KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- After apologizing for a company tweet that mocked the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother, KitchenAid today confessed it also sells a food processor that makes fun of your disabled friends, and a microwave oven that carries the warning: [Read More]

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

DENVER, CO. (SatireWire.com) – Following his weak showing in Wednesday’s debate with Mitt Romney, President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary ended in further disappointment as sources say the First Lady refused to have anniversary sex with, “a man who has clearly [Read More]

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Teachers in public schools, increasingly burdened with the responsibility of raising the nation's children, will have to bear the nation’s children as well, according to a new bill in the U.S. House of Representatives. [Read More]

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

YEMEN (SatireWire.com) -- The days are long, the training merciless, the mission terrifying. And in the end, if you’re very, very successful, your groin explodes. Such is the short, painful life of the underwear bomber. [Read More]

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

Rallying around Mitt Romney in much the same way suicide jumpers rally around the ground, Republican heavyweights have continued to endorse the “inevitable” GOP presidential candidate by using such superlatives as “yeah,” “(let’s) face it,” and “whatever." [Read More]

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) -- The state of Florida will be closed for mental repairs until further notice, the National Institutes of Health announced today. [Read More]

CONSERVATIVE ROMNEY PICKS MODERATE ROMNEY FOR V.P.

CONSERVATIVE ROMNEY PICKS MODERATE ROMNEY FOR V.P.

MADISON, WI. (SatireWire.com) -- In a move to “keep his enemies close” while also attracting independent voters, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Severely Conservative Mitt Romney today announced he will choose arch nemesis Moderate Mitt Romney as his running [Read More]

CHENEY’S HEART TO GET MEDAL FOR TRYING TO RID WORLD OF CHENEY

CHENEY’S HEART TO GET MEDAL FOR TRYING TO RID WORLD OF CHENEY

FALLS CHURCH, VA (SatireWire.com) — The original heart of former Vice President Dick Cheney will receive the nation’s highest honor – the Presidential Medal of Freedom – for its lifelong attempts to rid of the world of former Vice President Dick Cheney. The [Read More]

DISNEY CHARACTERS CAN LEGALLY BE SHOT UNDER FLORIDA LAW

DISNEY CHARACTERS CAN LEGALLY BE SHOT UNDER FLORIDA LAW

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) — A Florida court today ruled that under the state’s “Stand Your Ground” law, which allows people who feel threatened to use deadly force, the life-sized characters at Disney World can legally be shot because they’re frightening and [Read More]

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Latest Topics

DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS

DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST OF ALL 7,504 AMERICAN PRESIDENTS

Look, I don’t care if you don’t like it, here are the alternative facts: Donald J. Trump, born in Accra, Ghana, of [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God [Read More]

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

SHIT APPROACHING FAN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists monitoring catastrophic inevitability said today the shit is fast [Read More]

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