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ITALY TO HALT CRUISE SHIP PROGRAM IN RETURN FOR U.S. AID

ITALY TO HALT CRUISE SHIP PROGRAM IN RETURN FOR U.S. AID

ROME (SatireWire.com) – Moments after today’s announcement that North Korea will halt its nuclear program in exchange for 240,000 metric tons of food, Italy agreed to stop operating cruise ships in return for substantial U.S. aid. [Read More]

JOHN GLENN: ‘I CLAIMED PLANET EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

JOHN GLENN: ‘I CLAIMED PLANET EARTH FOR MYSELF WHILE ORBITING’

COLUMBUS, OHIO (SatireWire.com) -- Fifty years after becoming the first American to orbit Earth, John Glenn revealed today that while circling the globe on Feb. 20, 1962, he secretly laid claim to the entire planet, which he renamed, ‘Johnglenndia.' [Read More]

OBAMA CONDEMNED FOR SLEEPING LAST NIGHT

OBAMA CONDEMNED FOR SLEEPING LAST NIGHT

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a gaffe that may cost Barack Obama the election, the White House today admitted the President slept last night, a revelation that outraged Republicans who questioned how anyone could sleep "while America suffers." [Read More]

SYRIA CRISIS IMPELS U.N. MEMBERS TO CONSIDER SKIPPING LUNCH

SYRIA CRISIS IMPELS U.N. MEMBERS TO CONSIDER SKIPPING LUNCH

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) -- As the Syrian crisis deepens amid daily attacks on innocent civilians, United Nations delegates today said they had no choice but to seriously consider skipping lunch one day this week to talk about it some more. [Read More]

OBAMA SERIOUSLY STARTING TO THINK GOP ISN’T EVEN TRYING

OBAMA SERIOUSLY STARTING TO THINK GOP ISN’T EVEN TRYING

WASHINGTON (SatireWire.com) – With yet another flawed front-runner taking the lead in a GOP campaign seemingly bent on self-destruction, President Obama today privately told friends he is starting to think the Republicans aren’t even trying. [Read More]

JFK DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE: REPORT

JFK DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE: REPORT

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- According to a new report, there were thousands -- and possibly millions – of young women in the United States that President John F. Kennedy did not have sex with. [Read More]

CAMPAIGN-BASED CONCUSSIONS ON THE RISE

CAMPAIGN-BASED CONCUSSIONS ON THE RISE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- Campaign-based concussions have risen 120 percent in the last month as voters across the country are repeatedly banging their heads in frustration against walls, countertops, or the nearest available hard object, the CDC reported today. [Read More]

TRANSCRIPT OF OBAMA-BREWER TARMAC TIFF RELEASED

TRANSCRIPT OF OBAMA-BREWER TARMAC TIFF RELEASED

PHOENIX, AZ (SatireWire.com) – Here is the complete transcript of the tarmac tiff between President Obama and Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, whose clear disregard for one another boiled over during a heated and heretofore confidential meeting Wednesday as the President stepped [Read More]

SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY

SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY

JACKSONVILLE, FL (SatireWire.com) – The massive solar radiation storm that struck Earth yesterday disrupted radio communications, knocked out satellite and computer systems, and shut down Mitt Romney for more than six hours. [Read More]

GINGRICH RELEASES LAST 10 YEARS OF VALENTINE’S CARDS

GINGRICH RELEASES LAST 10 YEARS OF VALENTINE’S CARDS

TAMPA, FL (SatireWire.com) -- GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich sought to fend off attacks on his family values and marital infidelity today by releasing the last 10 years of his Valentine’s Day cards sent to current wife, Callista. [Read More]

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PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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