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CAMPAIGN-BASED CONCUSSIONS ON THE RISE

CAMPAIGN-BASED CONCUSSIONS ON THE RISE

ATLANTA (SatireWire.com) -- Campaign-based concussions have risen 120 percent in the last month as voters across the country are repeatedly banging their heads in frustration against walls, countertops, or the nearest available hard object, the CDC reported today. [Read More]

TRANSCRIPT OF OBAMA-BREWER TARMAC TIFF RELEASED

TRANSCRIPT OF OBAMA-BREWER TARMAC TIFF RELEASED

PHOENIX, AZ (SatireWire.com) – Here is the complete transcript of the tarmac tiff between President Obama and Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, whose clear disregard for one another boiled over during a heated and heretofore confidential meeting Wednesday as the President stepped [Read More]

SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY

SOLAR STORM SHUTS DOWN MITT ROMNEY

JACKSONVILLE, FL (SatireWire.com) – The massive solar radiation storm that struck Earth yesterday disrupted radio communications, knocked out satellite and computer systems, and shut down Mitt Romney for more than six hours. [Read More]

GINGRICH RELEASES LAST 10 YEARS OF VALENTINE’S CARDS

GINGRICH RELEASES LAST 10 YEARS OF VALENTINE’S CARDS

TAMPA, FL (SatireWire.com) -- GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich sought to fend off attacks on his family values and marital infidelity today by releasing the last 10 years of his Valentine’s Day cards sent to current wife, Callista. [Read More]

PERRY TRIUMPHANTLY LISTS ALL 3 REASONS HE DROPPED OUT

PERRY TRIUMPHANTLY LISTS ALL 3 REASONS HE DROPPED OUT

COLUMBIA, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Serial forgetter Rick Perry declared victory today after successfully being able to remember all three reasons he dropped out of the GOP presidential race. [Read More]

JOBS CONVINCES GOD TO FOCUS ON END USER; LIFE TO IMPROVE

JOBS CONVINCES GOD TO FOCUS ON END USER; LIFE TO IMPROVE

CUPERTINO, CAL (SatireWire.com) – After just three months together, the late Steve Jobs has convinced God to focus on customer experience rather than divine adoration, a remarkable shift in deific direction that should see life improve dramatically for Earth’s 7 billion [Read More]

ANGRY, CAUSTIC GINGRICH FAULTS NEW POSITIVE GINGRICH

ANGRY, CAUSTIC GINGRICH FAULTS NEW POSITIVE GINGRICH

DES MOINES, IOWA (SatireWire.com) -- An angry, caustic Newt Gingrich today blamed his poor showing in the Iowa caucuses on the happy, positive Newt Gingrich that tried to win without going negative, and pledged to go on the offensive to stop his internal rival from [Read More]

CAPTURED U.S. DRONE CONVERTS TO ISLAM

CAPTURED U.S. DRONE CONVERTS TO ISLAM

TEHRAN (SatireWire.com) – The U.S. drone captured by Iran earlier this month has converted to Islam, dashing American hopes to retrieve the unmanned aircraft. [Read More]

NATION’S TOP 1% AGREE TO TAX HIKE IN EXCHANGE FOR OTHER 99%

NATION’S TOP 1% AGREE TO TAX HIKE IN EXCHANGE FOR OTHER 99%

NEW YORK (SatireWire.com) – In a compromise to break government deadlock, the nation’s wealthiest 1 percent today agreed to allow their taxes to rise in exchange for the other 99 percent. The bargain, worked out last night during an invitation-only teleconference among [Read More]

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

HERMAN CAIN INVITES BACHMANN TO REACH OUT FOR HIS BASE

WASHINGTON D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Hearing that Michele Bachmann wants his support for the job she seeks, former presidential candidate Herman Cain said he has invited the Minnesota congresswoman to meet with him in his car on a secluded street on the outskirts of [Read More]

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BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After repeatedly being labeled a dictator by Republicans and conservative media, [Read More]

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who [Read More]

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

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