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KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

KITCHENAID APOLOGIZES FOR OFFENSIVE TWEET, APPLIANCES

CHICAGO (SatireWire.com) -- After apologizing for a company tweet that mocked the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother, KitchenAid today confessed it also sells a food processor that makes fun of your disabled friends, and a microwave oven that carries the warning: [Read More]

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

OBAMA LOSES DEBATE; ALSO ANY HOPE FOR ANNIVERSARY SEX

DENVER, CO. (SatireWire.com) – Following his weak showing in Wednesday’s debate with Mitt Romney, President Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary ended in further disappointment as sources say the First Lady refused to have anniversary sex with, “a man who has clearly [Read More]

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

BILL REQUIRES SCHOOLS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN, BEAR OUR CHILDREN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Teachers in public schools, increasingly burdened with the responsibility of raising the nation's children, will have to bear the nation’s children as well, according to a new bill in the U.S. House of Representatives. [Read More]

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

IN THE LAIR OF GENITAL QAEDA: LIFE IN AN UNDERWEAR BOMBER CAMP

YEMEN (SatireWire.com) -- The days are long, the training merciless, the mission terrifying. And in the end, if you’re very, very successful, your groin explodes. Such is the short, painful life of the underwear bomber. [Read More]

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

ROMNEY RACKING UP INDIFFERENDORSEMENTS

Rallying around Mitt Romney in much the same way suicide jumpers rally around the ground, Republican heavyweights have continued to endorse the “inevitable” GOP presidential candidate by using such superlatives as “yeah,” “(let’s) face it,” and “whatever." [Read More]

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

FLORIDA CLOSED FOR MENTAL REPAIRS

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) -- The state of Florida will be closed for mental repairs until further notice, the National Institutes of Health announced today. [Read More]

CONSERVATIVE ROMNEY PICKS MODERATE ROMNEY FOR V.P.

CONSERVATIVE ROMNEY PICKS MODERATE ROMNEY FOR V.P.

MADISON, WI. (SatireWire.com) -- In a move to “keep his enemies close” while also attracting independent voters, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Severely Conservative Mitt Romney today announced he will choose arch nemesis Moderate Mitt Romney as his running [Read More]

CHENEY’S HEART TO GET MEDAL FOR TRYING TO RID WORLD OF CHENEY

CHENEY’S HEART TO GET MEDAL FOR TRYING TO RID WORLD OF CHENEY

FALLS CHURCH, VA (SatireWire.com) — The original heart of former Vice President Dick Cheney will receive the nation’s highest honor – the Presidential Medal of Freedom – for its lifelong attempts to rid of the world of former Vice President Dick Cheney. The [Read More]

DISNEY CHARACTERS CAN LEGALLY BE SHOT UNDER FLORIDA LAW

DISNEY CHARACTERS CAN LEGALLY BE SHOT UNDER FLORIDA LAW

ORLANDO, FL (SatireWire.com) — A Florida court today ruled that under the state’s “Stand Your Ground” law, which allows people who feel threatened to use deadly force, the life-sized characters at Disney World can legally be shot because they’re frightening and [Read More]

AMERICANS TRYING HARD NOT TO PICTURE RUSH WATCHING SEX TAPES

AMERICANS TRYING HARD NOT TO PICTURE RUSH WATCHING SEX TAPES

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Rush Limbaugh’s assertion that a Georgetown University coed is a “slut” who should post her sex tapes online so he can watch has upset liberals and conservatives alike who really, really wish they didn’t now have a mental picture of Limbaugh [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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