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Authority Briefs

Bush Calls For Mideast Truce So U.S. Can Attack Iraq

Bush Calls For Mideast Truce So U.S. Can Attack Iraq

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Complaining that the window of opportunity was closing, an exasperated President Bush today called on Israelis and Palestinians to declare an immediate cease fire in order to allow the United States to invade Iraq. “Look, I [Read More]

Town Must Have Designated Satan Area

Town Must Have Designated Satan Area

Inglis, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – The American Civil Liberties Union said today the tiny Florida town of Inglis, whose mayor issued a proclamation officially outlawing Satan last year, must establish a designated Satanic area for the Dark One and his followers. Town [Read More]

Israel Says Arafat Can Come Out, Really

Israel Says Arafat Can Come Out, Really

Jerusalem (SatireWire.com) – Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, who had been confined to the West Bank city of Ramallah for three months and survived repeated Israeli attacks on his headquarters, was informed by Israel on Monday that he was now free to roam about the [Read More]

Al Qaeda Proposes $249.98 Military Budget

Al Qaeda Proposes $249.98 Military Budget

Afghanistan (SatireWire.com) – In response to U.S. President George Bush’s $379 billion proposed military budget, which calls for high-tech weaponry such as pilotless spy aircraft and a missile shield, al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden proposed a $249.98 fiscal [Read More]

AP, Reuters in Pitched Spelling Battle

AP, Reuters in Pitched Spelling Battle

London (SatireWire.com) – The war for Afghanistan intensified today as rival factions from Reuters and the Associated Press launched vicious attacks against one another over whether the United States is fighting Osama bin Laden’s al Qaeda network, or Osama bin [Read More]

Senate Bill Declares Bush No Longer Goofy

Senate Bill Declares Bush No Longer Goofy

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Continuing to display its new spirit of patriotism and bipartisanship, the United States Senate today overwhelmingly passed a resolution declaring that President George W. Bush is no longer a goof. The resolution, which passed 92-5, [Read More]

“Homeless” Reclassified As “Mobile Internet Users”

“Homeless” Reclassified As “Mobile Internet Users”

Washington, D.C.. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new directive from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the estimated 750,000 Americans once considered “homeless” will be reclassified as “mobile Internet users” who choose to [Read More]

Bush Vows To Cut Internet Taxes

Bush Vows To Cut Internet Taxes

Fraser, Mich. (SatireWire.com) – Speaking to a group of young voters at a Michigan campaign stop, Republican George W. Bush boldly pledged to cut Internet taxes in half, and waved off suggestions by some in the crowd that there are, at present, no taxes levied on the [Read More]

Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

Austin, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In an apparent effort to win support from the Internet industry, Democratic vice presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman sat shiva yesterday with executives of online furniture retailer living.com, which filed for bankruptcy this week. [Read More]

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican [Read More]

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Latest Topics

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

BOWING TO GOP PRESSURE, OBAMA AGREES TO BE EMPEROR OF AMERICA

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After repeatedly being labeled a dictator by Republicans and conservative media, [Read More]

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

SURVEY: MOST AMERICANS OK WITH YOU BEING QUARANTINED

NEW JERSEY (SatireWire.com) – A new poll shows nine in 10 Americans support a mandatory quarantine for someone who [Read More]

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

HOBBY LOBBY DECLARES MIDWEST ARTS & CRAFTS CALIPHATE

OKLAHOMA CITY (SatireWire.com) -- In a brutal and stunning offensive, thousands of Hobby Lobby employees and customers, [Read More]

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

FAKE DRUG COMPANIES RACING TO CREATE PHONY EBOLA VACCINE

NASHVILLE (SatireWire.com) -- With the world in a near-panic, fake pharmaceutical companies and Internet ‘medical [Read More]

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

SECRET SERVICE HEAD RESIGNS; OBAMA ‘PSYCHED’ TO SLEEP W/O GUN

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- President Obama accepted the resignation of Secret Service Director Julia Pierson [Read More]

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