Authority Briefs
Bush Calls For Mideast Truce So U.S. Can Attack Iraq
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Complaining that the window of opportunity was closing, an exasperated President Bush today called on Israelis and Palestinians to declare an immediate cease fire in order to allow the United States to invade Iraq. “Look, I [Read More]
Town Must Have Designated Satan Area
Inglis, Fla. (SatireWire.com) – The American Civil Liberties Union said today the tiny Florida town of Inglis, whose mayor issued a proclamation officially outlawing Satan last year, must establish a designated Satanic area for the Dark One and his followers. Town [Read More]
Israel Says Arafat Can Come Out, Really
Jerusalem (SatireWire.com) – Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, who had been confined to the West Bank city of Ramallah for three months and survived repeated Israeli attacks on his headquarters, was informed by Israel on Monday that he was now free to roam about the [Read More]
Al Qaeda Proposes $249.98 Military Budget
Afghanistan (SatireWire.com) – In response to U.S. President George Bush’s $379 billion proposed military budget, which calls for high-tech weaponry such as pilotless spy aircraft and a missile shield, al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden proposed a $249.98 fiscal [Read More]
AP, Reuters in Pitched Spelling Battle
London (SatireWire.com) – The war for Afghanistan intensified today as rival factions from Reuters and the Associated Press launched vicious attacks against one another over whether the United States is fighting Osama bin Laden’s al Qaeda network, or Osama bin [Read More]
Senate Bill Declares Bush No Longer Goofy
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Continuing to display its new spirit of patriotism and bipartisanship, the United States Senate today overwhelmingly passed a resolution declaring that President George W. Bush is no longer a goof. The resolution, which passed 92-5, [Read More]
“Homeless” Reclassified As “Mobile Internet Users”
Washington, D.C.. (SatireWire.com) – According to a new directive from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the estimated 750,000 Americans once considered “homeless” will be reclassified as “mobile Internet users” who choose to [Read More]
Bush Vows To Cut Internet Taxes
Fraser, Mich. (SatireWire.com) – Speaking to a group of young voters at a Michigan campaign stop, Republican George W. Bush boldly pledged to cut Internet taxes in half, and waved off suggestions by some in the crowd that there are, at present, no taxes levied on the [Read More]
Lieberman Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com
Austin, Texas (SatireWire.com) – In an apparent effort to win support from the Internet industry, Democratic vice presidential candidate Joseph Lieberman sat shiva yesterday with executives of online furniture retailer living.com, which filed for bankruptcy this week. [Read More]
Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected
Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) – In a speech accepting his party’s nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a “God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican [Read More]
