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Authority Briefs

Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland

Reno, Nev. (SatireWire.com) – President Bush blasted a plan unveiled Thursday that calls for depositing nuclear waste on the Moon, arguing the radioactive material could turn the lunar surface into a vast, uninhabitable wasteland. “Imagine a place where nothing [Read More]

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Bush Finally Evacuated From White House

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a marked improvement over their response to previous threats, federal agents evacuated President Bush from the White House today, just two days after a small plane entered restricted air space over Washington. “Mr. [Read More]

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

Ventura’s Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

St. Paul, Minn. (SatireWire.com) – Saying he wanted to protect his family’s privacy, Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura announced this week he will not run for re-election, yet another sign that the intense media scrutiny given to those in public service is driving [Read More]

FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Seeking to quell fears it will abuse its newly acquired powers of surveillance, the FBI today promised it would not only respond to any concerns, but will follow complainants in the field to observe their concerns, and talk about [Read More]

Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Democratic finger-pointing over how the Bush administration handled terrorist threats prior to 9/11 intensified today as Republicans accused their opponents of purposely pointing at the White House with the wrong finger. “When [Read More]

Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In a long-awaited decision, the Transportation Security Administration today denied a request that would have allowed airline pilots to carry firearms in the cockpit, but said it would allow them to “do that wacko crazy-person [Read More]

FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation

FBI Offers Reward for Whereabouts Of FBI Investigation

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – More than six months after several letters containing weaponized anthrax were mailed across the country, FBI director Robert Mueller today announced his agency would offer a $2.5 million reward for reliable information on the [Read More]

Bush: “How About Historical Re-Enactment?”

Bush: “How About Historical Re-Enactment?”

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – After having his previous overtures rejected, President Bush today surprised Arab nations by renouncing his intentions to invade Iraq and instead suggesting the two countries establish cultural ties by staging a historical [Read More]

Bush: “Dad Left Wallet in Iraq”

Bush: “Dad Left Wallet in Iraq”

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (SatireWire.com) – Arab leaders today said they were skeptical of George W. Bush’s latest assertion regarding Iraq: that his father left his wallet in Baghdad and the United States just wants to dash in with 100,000 troops and get it. [Read More]

U.S. Drops Cats Into Belgium

U.S. Drops Cats Into Belgium

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Countering accusations from liberals and conservatives alike that U.S. policy in the Middle East has become “confused and incoherent,” the Bush administration today announced that it has in fact parachuted 225,000 cats [Read More]

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Latest Topics

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: THE BRUTALLY IMPARTIAL UPDATE

MANCHESTER, N.H. (SatireWire.com) – The presidential candidates spread out across New Hampshire today after Texas [Read More]

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps much worse than previously [Read More]

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

AMERICANS RUSH TO BUY MORE GUNS THAT WILL BE TAKEN AWAY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Fearing that President Obama’s executive action on gun control will lead to [Read More]

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

TRUMP TAKES CRAP ON STAGE AS WORDS TAKE SOLID FORM

CLEMSON, S.C. (SatireWire.com) -- Donald Trump’s increasingly toxic rhetoric reached its natural conclusion today as [Read More]

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