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SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO “YOUR” INAUGURATION DAY SCHEDULE

6 a.m. – Unable to sleep, you stare at the ceiling, wondering. “What will happen to America now? What will happen to minorities? What will happen to the poor? What will [Read More]

SATIREWIRE’S GUIDE TO THE PRESIDENTIAL INAUGURATION

3:45 a.m. – In the first sign that America's day isn't off to a good start, Donald Trump will wake up. 3:46 a.m. -- Trump will tweet: “Inauguration Day! IF I decide to [Read More]

DONALD TRUMP CALLS GOD ‘OVERRATED’ AFTER HOLY SNUB

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) - Escalating his Twitter war on A-list celebrities, Donald Trump today called God “overrated” after Jewish online journal The Forward wrote [Read More]

International

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed Thursday’s vote for Scottish independence was an [Read More]

Sci/Tech

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps [Read More]

CREATIONIST TELESCOPE FINDS NEARLY 6,000-YEAR-OLD GALAXY

PETERSBURG, KY (SatireWire.com) – Creationists using a deep-faith telescope said today [Read More]

Business

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s population, leading economists to speculate that the [Read More]

Sports

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan [Read More]

STERLING WILLING TO SELL CLIPPERS IF HE CAN STILL OWN BLACK PLAYERS

LOS ANGELES (SatireWire.com) – In a last-ditch effort to compromise with the NBA, Los [Read More]

POLL: 90% OF NFL WOULD LET GAY PLAYER FUCK THEM IF IT MEANS WINS

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- In a new poll that belies the perception that pro [Read More]

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