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ARMY TO HOLD BEER SUMMITS WITH ASSAULT VICTIMS, ATTACKERS

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – Conceding their “Miss Pentagon” contest idea was not the best way to defuse sexism in the ranks, U.S. Army officials today said they [Read More]

MILITARY TO BOOST FEMALE MORALE WITH MISS PENTAGON CONTEST

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – In an effort to address rampant sexual harassment in the armed forces, U.S. military commanders today announced they will hold a “Miss [Read More]

RADICAL MLM GROUP SAYS IT’S TAKEN HOSTAGES AND YOU CAN TOO!

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- A group of extremely radical Multi-Level Marketers claimed today it has kidnapped four hostages and you can too! [Read More]

International

ISRAEL CLAIMS IT JUST HAPPENED TO BE BOMBING IN NEIGHBORHOOD

By An Israeli Warplane -- I know, right? I looks kinda awkward that I “just happened” to bomb Damascus Sunday, but that’s what happened. It wasn’t, like, planned or [Read More]

Sci/Tech

INTO THE GREAT ABOVE: THE CICADA STORY

There are a billion stories in cicada city. Some of them are long and some of them are [Read More]

INDIGENOUS MARTIANS THRILLED AT PROSPECT OF BEING COLONIZED

OUT THERE (SatireWire.com) – Word that a private aerospace company is launching a [Read More]

U.S. BRAIN MAPPING PROJECT TO BE BASED ON APPLE MAPS

CUPERTINO, CA (SatireWire.com) -- Apple today announced its mapping software will be used [Read More]

Business

POWERBALL DROPS NUMBERS FOR SHAPES AS MATH STANDARDS FALL

WEST DES MOINES, IA (SatireWire.com) – Keeping up with declining math standards in the United States, Powerball today announced it has abandoned numbers and will instead [Read More]

Sports

RUTGERS FIRES ABUSIVE COACH, VOWS TO STOP RECRUITING PANSIES

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ (SatireWire.com) – An apologetic Rutgers University fired men’s [Read More]

ESPN SUSPECTS HACK AS TSINGHUA UNIV. LEADS NCAA BRACKET PICKS

BRISTOL, CT (SatireWire.com) – Every one of the 1.2 billion NCAA tournament brackets [Read More]

PISTORIUS ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS GUARD, FEARING HE WAS STALKER

PRETORIA (SatireWire.com) -- Murder suspect Oscar Pistorius, who claims he accidentally [Read More]

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