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ALTERNATIVE PUERTO RICO THRIVING AFTER HURRICANE MARIA

White House officials today said President Trump’s claim that his handling of Hurricane Maria was a “tremendous success” was a reference to Alternative Puerto Rico, a [Read More]

MORNING SHOW ‘FUCK NO, TALLAHASSEE’ TOPS TV RATINGS

Just a month after changing its name from ‘Good Day, Tallahassee’ to ‘Fuck No, Tallahassee,’ WFPE’s early morning show has become north Florida's number one morning [Read More]

TRUMP TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER, STACKED INTO BORDER WALL

PRES. TRUMP: We’ll call ‘em cinderbacks. Or wetbricks. SESSIONS: We can poll the base to see which makes them angrier. [Read More]

International

SCOTS VOTE TO STAY IN UK; “YES” VOTERS TO BE HANGED AS REBELS

LONDON (SatireWire.com) -- Declaring the rebels “will pay with their lives,” Queen Elizabeth II today revealed Thursday’s vote for Scottish independence was an [Read More]

Sci/Tech

NEWLY DISCOVERED PLANETS SEEM TO BE UNHAPPY WE FOUND THEM

LIEGE, BELGIUM (SatireWire.com) -- In an astounding development, scientists say the seven [Read More]

OLD GROWTH iPHONE FORESTS IN DANGER

OLYMPIA, WA. (SatireWire.com) – Old-growth iPhone forests are in danger of [Read More]

MELTING ARCTIC ICE EXPOSES ANCIENT, OMINOUS MESSAGE

GREENLAND (SatireWire.com) -- Scientists today said ice melt in the Arctic is perhaps [Read More]

Business

REPORT CONFIRMS POOREST HALF OF WORLD PROBABLY NOT EVEN TRYING

OXFORD, U.K. (SatireWire.com) -- A new report claims just 62 individuals control as much wealth as half the world’s population, leading economists to speculate that the [Read More]

Sports

FIFA ORDERS SUAREZ TO BE PUT DOWN

NATAL, BRAZIL (SatireWire.com) -- After a third biting incident in four years, Uruguayan [Read More]

STERLING WILLING TO SELL CLIPPERS IF HE CAN STILL OWN BLACK PLAYERS

LOS ANGELES (SatireWire.com) – In a last-ditch effort to compromise with the NBA, Los [Read More]

POLL: 90% OF NFL WOULD LET GAY PLAYER FUCK THEM IF IT MEANS WINS

NEW YORK, NY (SatireWire.com) -- In a new poll that belies the perception that pro [Read More]

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