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Yahoo Beats Analysts' Estimates, Dogs
San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) — Internet giant Yahoo!, which this week soundly beat analysts' estimates, reportedly wasn't satisfied and beat their dogs as well. Some analysts even reported getting wedgies. Said a very sore PaineWebber analyst Scott Feldstein, whose had his underwear jacked up to his shoulders: "I've had my estimates beaten plenty of times before, OK, so that's not what I'm upset about. But they didn't have to kick my cocker spaniel like that. Damn their quarter-over-quarter page-view growth."

In a statement, Yahoo Chairman Tim Koogle said the company is on track to beat estimates again next quarter, at which time analysts should expect, at the very least, "another visit from Mr. Cheeksplitter."

OTHER ARCHIVE 3 BRIEFS

¤ 'I Love You' Email Recipient
   Still Waiting for Flowers, Phone Call

¤ Lucent Finds New COO on Stock Message Board

¤ Firestone Peels Back Prices in Tire Sale Blowout!

¤ Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

¤ Analyst Predicts Dow 5,000 by 1996

¤ Bush Promises Republican Internet If Elected

¤ Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

¤ Amazon Says Stock Price "Mislabeled"

¤ Post Office Leads Way in New "Paper Technology"

¤ Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

¤ RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

¤ Taco Bell Fires Chihuahua; New Chalupa "Tastes Funny"

¤ Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

¤ Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

¤ House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

¤ Yahoo Beats Analysts' Estimates, Dogs

¤ Pizza Hut-Sponsored Russian Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

¤ Domino's-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

¤ Greenspan: "I'm More Popular than Jesus"

¤ Windows Not a Virus

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