SatireWire
   
New Satire for the New Economy
SatireWire | dot.com.edy

 

UMTHINGS
History Tour T-Shirts and UmWear. V. Funny, V. Smart

CAMEO
Cool Estate Jewelry. Impress her for once.

PunchBowl
Throw Your Best Party Yet.

FARK.COM
It's not news, it's Drew's.

BBSPOT.COM
It's not Drew, it's Brian

Flag Hill Winery

The Angel Anthony Group
e-solutions for your business



Briefs in a Brief
Briefs Archives
Brief Archive 4
Brief Archive 3
Brief Archive 2
Brief Archive 1
RECOMMEND THIS
TO A FRIEND

Priceline Pre-announces 2002 Bankruptcy

Stamford, Conn. (SatireWire.com) — In a highly unusual move, Priceline today pre-announced its 2002 bankruptcy in an apparent attempt to lower expectations and give the company the potential to surprise on the upside.

While negative pre-announcements are common, they usually regard quarterly earnings and are issued to fend off shareholder lawsuits and soften the blow of a weak earnings report. A bankruptcy pre-announcement is highly irregular, but analysts credited the struggling "Name-Your-Own-Price" service for seizing the initiative, and predicted it will be a brilliant tactical move.

"With the bad news from Priceline lately, everybody's been waiting for the next shoe to drop, and I think the stock was only going to drift lower," said Prudential Bache analyst Claire Ingstrom. "By pre-announcing its bankruptcy, Priceline's stock takes a hit now, but it opens up the possibility that down the line, it can surprise on the upside. Frankly, not going bankrupt is the only upside the company had left."

OTHER CURRENT BRIEFS

¤ Nuke Waste Repository Could Turn Moon Into Wasteland

¤ Study Saying Pessimists Die Sooner No Surprise to Pessimists

¤ Zimbabwe Changes Name to AAA Zimbabwe

¤ Study: Motorcyclists Who Cut in Traffic Jams Are ***holes

¤ Bin Laden Hit Hard By News Of His Death

¤ Spain, Morocco Fight Over, Have Same IQ As, Rock

¤ Wall Street Has Worst Day Since Yesterday

¤ Michael Jackson Still Thinks He's Black

¤ Martha Stewart Says Laws Only Apply to People

¤ Bush Finally Evacuated from White House

¤ Ventura's Departure Bodes Ill for Wrestlers

¤ Arabs Slyly Building Wall Around Israel

¤ Savvy Balloonist Starts Round-World Trip Halfway Round World

¤ MTV Kills Unsuspecting Man, Films Hilarious Reaction

¤ FBI Vows to Address, Track, Record Concerns

¤ New Attention Deficit Drug Is... Um...

¤ Dems Accused of Pointing Wrong Finger

¤ NASA Just Goes and Launches Satellite

¤ Your Work Habits Explained

¤ Cloning White People Deemed Redundant

¤ Ruling Lets Pilots Act All Crazy

¤ FBI Offers Reward for Info on FBI Investigation

¤ Bush: "How About a Historical Reenactment?"

¤ Americans Told to Have Sex with the Dutch

¤ Bush: "Dad Left Wallet in Iraq"

¤ Nebula Says Hubble Pics Faked

¤ Physician-Assisted Suicide Debate Rages

¤ Howard Says Name Not Euphemism

¤ French Successfully Increase Enmity Toward French

¤ U.S. Drops Cats Into Belgium

¤ Australia Reclassifies Refugees as Sport

¤ Bush Calls For Truce So U.S. Can Attack Iraq

¤ Halle Berry's Husband Can't Stop
   Fantasizing About Halle Berry

¤ Idiot Dad Recommends Great Web Sight

¤ Town Must Have Designated Satan Areas

¤ Ships, Thatcher, No Longer "She"

¤ Zimbabwe Challenger Shocked at Loss; Also Stabbbed

¤ Israel Says Arafat Can Come Out, Really

¤ BMW Gets Blue Windscreen of Death

¤ Hooked On Phonics Files for I Pee Oh

¤ Elderly Sex Studies Put Young People Off Sex

¤ Lay Takes the Fifth, 6-1, 3-6, 4-6, 7-5, 6-0

¤ Hot Trend at Kiddie Parties: CFOs

¤ Al Qaeda Proposes $249.98 Military Budget

¤ India Sends Message by Invading

¤ Amazon Turns Profit, Say Flying Pigs

¤ Kmart Hires Arthur Andersen

¤ Putin Says We're Independent, Says Media

¤ Ambrose Calls Plagiarism Charge "Much Ado About Nothing

¤ Argentina Starts Presidential Draft

¤ T&A on Line Two

¤ Pregnant Women Can Fly

¤ Anthrax Hoax Suspect Says He Is Free to Go

¤ Packards Vote to Rename Company Packard-Hewlett

¤ AP, Reuters in Pitched Spelling Battle

¤ Mullah Omar Apparently Vague on the "We" Thing

¤ Study: Monogamists With More Than
   One Spouse May Become Polygamists

¤ Bin Laden Rookie Card Drops in Value

¤ World Bank to Help Afghans Amass Staggering Debt

¤ Airline's "Fly, Goddamnit" Campaign Not Taking Off

¤ O.J. to Train Ground Troops

¤ Little Girl Picks Wrong Time to Fall In Well

¤ Night Ranger Concert Nets $98 for Victims

¤ Lucent Stays Focused on Losing Money

¤ Taliban Bets on U.S. Win

¤ MCI Offers "Friends & Family & FBI" Plan

¤ Senate Declares Bush No Longer Goofy

¤ Conptr@Versjal Nev Kkeyboadr Duficulp to Lern^

¤ 85% of Jobless Say They're Not Just Statistic

¤ Consumer Reports Says Consumer Reports Unsafe

¤ Fat Smoker Can't Wait Forever For Burger

¤ French Strike for Greater Productivity

¤ MP3.com Wins Achievement Award

¤ Merger Will Create Largest ISP
   To Someday Declare Bankruptcy

¤ Exxon Mobil Declares Martial Law

¤ Earth to Wal-Mart...

¤ Volvo with Spoiler Still Just Volvo

¤ 92 Percent of Web Sites Made in China

¤ Sites Offer Large Print for Old People

¤ White House Denies Hackers Altered Site

¤ Friends Recall Gist of Cliffs Notes Founder

¤ CMGI to Merge with Napster

¤ Argentine Minister Hated That Dog

¤ Intel Says Not Bunch of "Fancy Dans"

¤ Homeless Reclassified as "Mobile Internet Users"

¤ Dean Witter to Measure Success
   By Tracking Revenues, Expenses

¤ Longtime Bear Pretty Much Unbearable

¤ Unemployed Relieved to Learn U.S. Not in Recession

¤ Companies May Be to Blame for Their Performance

¤ Kozmo.com to Lay Off Staff in Under an Hour

¤ Tiny NetCo Insists It's Bellwether

¤ Short, Snappy Headlines

¤ Californians Launch Email Campaign;
   To Conserve Energy

¤ CEO Surprises Employees

¤ Intel Has Smaller Chips; AMD Smaller Employees

¤ DotComGuy Drops 'DotCom', Now Just 'Guy'

¤ 14 Remaining Netscape Users Rejoice Over Netscape 6

¤ GE Succession Losers Demand Recount

¤ To Exclude French, Yahoo Pushes British Wines

¤ Business-to-Unemployment Dubbed Next Big Thing

¤ "Sponsorship Rectangles to Replace Banner Ads

¤ Central Bank to Intervene in Football Matches

¤ Microsoft Hacker Still A Mystery;
   Sun Releases Sun Office, Sun Me

¤ Internet Company Hires Employee

¤ Janet Reno Awarded VirginMary.com Domain

¤ Media: Typos in Microsoft Earnings Release!

¤ Bush Vows to Cut Internet Taxes

¤ Priceline Pre-announces 2002 Bankruptcy

¤ Consumer Confidence Erodes into Ocean

¤ SatireWire to Lay Off Half of Staff

¤ Merger Won't Result in Redundant Job Positions

Copyright © 2000, SatireWire.

Back to Top

UmThings: we sell, um, things

 



SatireWire: dot.com.edy
SatireWire is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 1999-2003, SatireWire, LLC. All rights reserved.

Computer Reviews - Panic Attacks and Anxiety Disorders - Startup Ideas & Small Business Advice - Trade Suppliers Directory - Wholesale Forum - Wholesale Marketplace & Trade Suppliers - Wholesale Directory - Crazy Slots Casino