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MP3 TO STEAL, SELL YOUR STUFF
San Diego, Cal. (SatireWire.com) — Stunned that a court ruled its unauthorized distribution of music through an online database broke copyright laws, MP3.Com announced this morning it still believes in its business model, but will abandon music and instead sell people's personal items without their consent. Said MP3 Chief Executive Michael Robertson: "Let's see 'em try to find something wrong with that."

MORE FROM BRIEFS ARCHIVE #2

¤ Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

¤ Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

¤ CDNow Wins Patent on "Money-Losing Business Model"

¤ DrKoop.com Ordered To Display Warning Label

¤ IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

¤ OPEC Relents, Will "Suck Earth Dry"

¤ New Web Site for Those Without Net Access

¤ Airlines "Disappointed" by Mid-Air Merger Test

¤ "Love Bug" Is "Worm," Hackers "Twits

¤ Priceline Launches "Name Price for Bail"

¤ StarMedia, "AOL of Latin America," Unveils Busy Signals

¤ MP3 to Steal, Sell Your Stuff

¤ Tears Shed on Emotional Day for Stocks

¤ Consumer Confidence Falls; Teens Questioned

¤ AOL Profits from Gumboless Space

¤ FBI Targets Paranoid

¤ Kellogg's Nailed for "Bundling"

¤ Free Computers Not Free; Nation's Idiots in Denial

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