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Battered MP3 Says Its "Only Flesh Wound"

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) — MP3.com, which had its financial legs cut out from under it by a federal judge yesterday, said it was only a flesh wound, and insisted the music industry come back and fight like a man.

"It's nothing! Come back, you cowards, and prepare to do battle!" said the company, which lost its case with Seagram's Universal Music Group. MP3 had previously been beaten by other recording companies to the tune of $100 million. "I can't lose, I'm invincible!" MP3 added. The victorious Universal Music rolled its eyes and left with an estimated $118 million to $250 million.

"All right, we'll call it a draw, then!" MP3 screamed as its foe walked away.

OTHER ARCHIVE 4 BRIEFS

¤ Ford Recalls Chrysler Minivans

¤ Dot-Coms Sick of Survivor Analogies

¤ Microsoft Wants O.J. Jury

¤ Parker Bros. Replaces Play Money with Euro

¤ AOL Offers 25 Years Free Access for First Month

¤ Still No Helmut Kohl Pics at Porn Sites

¤ New M&Enemas® Provide Instant Sugar Fix

¤ Israel Offers Palestinians Virtual Statehood
   for $49.95/Month

¤ Morgan Stanley Misses Estimates Dearly

¤ CokeSpill Virus Hits Innnntel, DDDDellll

¤ Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

¤ Mazda Metaphor a Hit with Symbolic Car Buyers

¤ Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

¤ Battered MP3 Says It's "Only a Flesh Wound"

¤ Net Company to Hold Second IPO

¤ Dot-Coms Just Dying to Get Prized OTC Listing

¤ Telecom Merger Will Create First Ever
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¤ Lieberman, Courting Tech, Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

¤ Hackers Attack Air-Traffic Control Centers,
   Cause "On-Time Chaos"

¤ King's e-Book Plants Virus

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