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Study: Motorcyclists Who Cut
Traffic Jams Are ***Holes

New York ( — According to a new study by a New York University professor, motorcyclists who slice between lanes during traffic jams and refuse to wait in long lines like everyone else are "major dumbfuck assholes" who "deserve to die."

The study, conducted by NYU Prof. John Leibling as he drove his car on the Long Island Expressway at rush hour last Monday, relied on a visual sampling of "at least six" motorcyclists who decided they were somehow "more important than every-fucking-body else," said the survey.

"According to my findings, 100 percent of the motorcyclists who rode along the painted lane lines between cars were fucking bastards who have the IQ of cow shit," said Leibling, who eventually missed his flight at the airport.

Under the circumstances, the study added, automobile owners had every right to flatten these motorcyclists by opening their car doors as the riders attempted to pass, "but no one did, goddamnit."

In a related note, the survey also found that those car owners who attempted to cheat ahead by using the emergency lanes were complete total pricks, and that the tractor-trailer driver who eventually veered into the emergency lane to keep those drivers from gaining an edge was a "fucking hero, man."


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