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Lucent Finds New COO
On Stock Message Boards

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) — Lucent Technologies today announced it has ended its search for a new chief operating officer with the surprise hiring of Stockpicker_Dude_78, a frequent poster on various Lucent stock message boards. "We interviewed about 20 people, most from major corporations, but Stockpicker_Dude stood out," said Lucent CEO Richard McGinn. "For instance, when we asked this one CFO about working for Lucent, she said she would be 'honored to join such a progressive company,'" McGinn recalled. "But Stockpicker_Dude's response — 'This stock will be $100+ by end of month! Shorts cover your asses!' — was much more spirited."

In a brief statement, Stockpicker_Dude said he heard Lucent was a major takeover target, and added he would be loading up on the stock in the morning.

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