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Still No Helmut Kohl Pics at Porn Sites

Los Angeles (SatireWire.com) — Former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl once again finished dead last in the latest PornoMetrix survey, which tracks the use of naked celebrity images on pornographic sites.

According to PornoMetrix, naked or provocative pictures of the overweight, scandal-plagued Kohl could not be found on any pornographic Web sites in August, the fifth straight month Kohl has placed last. Rounding out the bottom 10 were Bette Midler, E.L. Doctorow, Linda Tripp, Dick Cheney, Rosa Parks, former Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin, and the cast of Monday Night Football.

There were no changes at the top of the list, with Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and the Queen Mother once again finishing 1-2-3.

OTHER ARCHIVE 4 BRIEFS

¤ Ford Recalls Chrysler Minivans

¤ Dot-Coms Sick of Survivor Analogies

¤ Microsoft Wants O.J. Jury

¤ Parker Bros. Replaces Play Money with Euro

¤ AOL Offers 25 Years Free Access for First Month

¤ Still No Helmut Kohl Pics at Porn Sites

¤ New M&Enemas® Provide Instant Sugar Fix

¤ Israel Offers Palestinians Virtual Statehood
   for $49.95/Month

¤ Morgan Stanley Misses Estimates Dearly

¤ CokeSpill Virus Hits Innnntel, DDDDellll

¤ Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

¤ Mazda Metaphor a Hit with Symbolic Car Buyers

¤ Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

¤ Battered MP3 Says It's "Only a Flesh Wound"

¤ Net Company to Hold Second IPO

¤ Dot-Coms Just Dying to Get Prized OTC Listing

¤ Telecom Merger Will Create First Ever
   "Single Phone Company"

¤ Lieberman, Courting Tech, Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

¤ Hackers Attack Air-Traffic Control Centers,
   Cause "On-Time Chaos"

¤ King's e-Book Plants Virus

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