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Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) — Taking their cue from Internet companies that have recently hired hackers to improve site security, several struggling online firms announced today they will hire unbearably rude bastards in hopes that they will help improve customer service.

"It's really a natural progression of the same theory," said Christos Cotsakos, CEO of E*Trade, which has announced it will place at least a dozen surly wankers in customer relations jobs by the end of the year. "You hire a hacker because they know how people abuse a system. We'll hire rude bastards because they understand the abusive mind, and they can help us deal with problem customers."

In truth, using ill-mannered jerks as customer service representatives is nothing new. Local phone companies have been doing it for years. What is new is that Internet companies are now doing it, and therefore it is fantastically original.

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