Briefs Archives

RECOMMEND THIS TO A FRIEND

Bush Pledges Republican Internet If Elected

Philadelphia, Pa. (SatireWire.com) — In a speech accepting his party's nomination, George W. Bush pledged to wrest control of the Internet from its creator, Vice President Al Gore, and turn it into a "God-fearing, gun-filled, sexless, Republican Internet" if elected.

Speaking at the GOP national convention, Bush also promised to introduce a bill requiring every computer on the network to be powered, not by "liberal, Gore-loving electricity," but by safe, dependable oil.

"My friends, let me ask you, do you know what the Internet really is?" Bush said to the crowd. As no one seemed to know, Bush then went on to talk about Social Security and Medicare.

OTHER ARCHIVE 3 BRIEFS

¤ 'I Love You' Email Recipient
   Still Waiting for Flowers, Phone Call

¤ Lucent Finds New COO on Stock Message Board

¤ Firestone Peels Back Prices in Tire Sale Blowout!

¤ Firms Hire Jerks to Improve Customer Service

¤ Analyst Predicts Dow 5,000 by 1996

¤ Bush Promises Republican Internet If Elected

¤ Wrigley Launches "Internet Bubble" Gum®

¤ Amazon Says Stock Price "Mislabeled"

¤ Post Office Leads Way in New "Paper Technology"

¤ Small Tech Stocks Fall; Big, Slow, Dumb Stocks Rise

¤ RIAA Demands End to Unauthorized Humming, Whistling

¤ Taco Bell Fires Chihuahua; New Chalupa "Tastes Funny"

¤ Fired eBay Employees Auctioned Off

¤ Starving, Dying Poor to Get Much-Needed Net Access

¤ House Sends Spam Bill to Senate; Senate Spam Filter Deletes It

¤ Yahoo Beats Analysts' Estimates, Dogs

¤ Pizza Hut-Sponsored Russian Rocket Explodes; Thin Crust Blamed

¤ Domino's-Sponsored Rocket Late, Probably Cold

¤ Greenspan: "I'm More Popular than Jesus"

¤ Windows Not a Virus

Copyright © 2000, SatireWire.

Office Outlook Essentials - Excel add-ins for work automation - Technology news - plumbing supply house - Sell Houses Fast for Cash - DirectoryDump Web Directory - Edinburgh hotels - tyres - Panic Attacks and Anxiety Disorders