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DrKoop.com Ordered to
Display Warning Label

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — The Securities and Exchange Commission today declared troubled health site DrKoop.com a public finance hazard and ordered that it display a warning label alerting the public to the dangers of investing in the company. The label, a simple white box with black letters affixed to each page of the former Surgeon General's site, will read: "Warning: This product is known to cause financial loss. Quitting this stock now can greatly reduce your risk."

The SEC said it is considering a transdermal patch to aid anyone trying to quit DrKoop, and also unveiled stiff penalties for brokers who sell this stock to minors. Public schools, meanwhile, were urged to crack down on underage DrKoop stock trading, particularly in the boys' bathrooms and in the parking lot behind the cafeteria.

MORE FROM BRIEFS ARCHIVE #2

¤ Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

¤ Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

¤ CDNow Wins Patent on "Money-Losing Business Model"

¤ DrKoop.com Ordered To Display Warning Label

¤ IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

¤ OPEC Relents, Will "Suck Earth Dry"

¤ New Web Site for Those Without Net Access

¤ Airlines "Disappointed" by Mid-Air Merger Test

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¤ Tears Shed on Emotional Day for Stocks

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¤ FBI Targets Paranoid

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¤ Free Computers Not Free; Nation's Idiots in Denial

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