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CDNow Wins Patent for
Loss-Based Revenue Model

Fort Washington, Pa. (SatireWire.com) — Online music seller CDNow, desperately in need of cash, may have staved off its demise by virtue of its recently awarded patent for "an Internet business model in which expenditures permanently exceed revenues." According to CDNow CEO Jason Olim, the company plans to vigorously defend its patent by going after blatant violators. "For instance," he said, "we are going to sue the shit out of Amazon.com"

MORE FROM BRIEFS ARCHIVE #2

¤ Big Tobacco Can't Afford Verdict; Smokers Must Buy More Cigarettes

¤ Airlines Drop Arrival, Departure Times

¤ CDNow Wins Patent on "Money-Losing Business Model"

¤ DrKoop.com Ordered To Display Warning Label

¤ IMF Rate Hike Suggestion Proves Hike Not Needed

¤ OPEC Relents, Will "Suck Earth Dry"

¤ New Web Site for Those Without Net Access

¤ Airlines "Disappointed" by Mid-Air Merger Test

¤ "Love Bug" Is "Worm," Hackers "Twits

¤ Priceline Launches "Name Price for Bail"

¤ StarMedia, "AOL of Latin America," Unveils Busy Signals

¤ MP3 to Steal, Sell Your Stuff

¤ Tears Shed on Emotional Day for Stocks

¤ Consumer Confidence Falls; Teens Questioned

¤ AOL Profits from Gumboless Space

¤ FBI Targets Paranoid

¤ Kellogg's Nailed for "Bundling"

¤ Free Computers Not Free; Nation's Idiots in Denial

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