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AOL Offers 25 Years Free Access For First Month

Dulles, Va. (SatireWire.com) — America Online, which recently launched a membership drive offering 700 hours of free Internet access in the first month, outdid itself today by announcing that new members can now get 25 years of free Internet access during the one-month trial period.

Analysts were skeptical, noting that a month, as a general rule, lasts for 30 days. But AOL called that "myopic" marketing. "You just have to look at this positively," said AOL spokesman Edith McCarthy. "For example, let's say you sign up Sept. 1 and you email a picture of your new baby girl to grandma. Well, 25 absolutely free years later, which would be Sept. 30, you can email that same daughter when she finishes grad school."

"Really, a whole lot could happen in 25 years," McCarthy added. "Heck, you could die in 25 years. That would be like getting free Internet access for one month for life! God, this is such a great offer."

OTHER ARCHIVE 4 BRIEFS

¤ Ford Recalls Chrysler Minivans

¤ Dot-Coms Sick of Survivor Analogies

¤ Microsoft Wants O.J. Jury

¤ Parker Bros. Replaces Play Money with Euro

¤ AOL Offers 25 Years Free Access for First Month

¤ Still No Helmut Kohl Pics at Porn Sites

¤ New M&Enemas® Provide Instant Sugar Fix

¤ Israel Offers Palestinians Virtual Statehood
   for $49.95/Month

¤ Morgan Stanley Misses Estimates Dearly

¤ CokeSpill Virus Hits Innnntel, DDDDellll

¤ Teen Killed in Dispute Over $70 Pair of Domains

¤ Mazda Metaphor a Hit with Symbolic Car Buyers

¤ Vision of Greenspan Sighted in Tree

¤ Battered MP3 Says It's "Only a Flesh Wound"

¤ Net Company to Hold Second IPO

¤ Dot-Coms Just Dying to Get Prized OTC Listing

¤ Telecom Merger Will Create First Ever
   "Single Phone Company"

¤ Lieberman, Courting Tech, Sits Shiva For Dead Dot-Com

¤ Hackers Attack Air-Traffic Control Centers,
   Cause "On-Time Chaos"

¤ King's e-Book Plants Virus

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