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Net Culture   |   Net Business   |   General Business   |   General

GENERAL:

¤ Top 10 Party Preschools Named ¤ Wall Street Questions CEO Signatures
¤ Jupiter Did Something Wrong ¤ Iraq Invasion Stopped by Red Tape
¤ Viagra Spill Revives Lake Michigan ¤ Pilots Armed AND Loaded
¤ One Nation (this space available) ¤ Canada Invasion Foiled
¤ Bush Sets Palestine World Cup Terms ¤ Self Esteem of Losers Kids Protected
¤ Terrorists Marry Forest Workers ¤ Obese Passengers Eat...
¤ Greenpeace Will Now Oppose Everything ¤ FBI Passes Secrets to U.S.
¤ Merger Creates 900 Million Hinjews ¤ Men DO Talk About Relationships
¤ SatireWire Releases Book! ¤ You'll Have to Go
¤ Life in Prison to the West! ¤ Soccer-Mad U.S. Preps for World Cup
¤ Rumsfield Gives I'm Scared Shitless Speech ¤ Nuke Treaty to be Signed, Ignored
¤ Nation's Mailboxes Safe for Bashing ¤ Jesus Was God's Nephew
¤ Scientist Finds Toy Prize Inside Atom ¤ Pentagon Using Roborats
¤ Humans Mostly Not Dumber Than Rice ¤ Burn Environmental Activists
¤ In Bed with Ned, Ted, George, and Ed ¤ George Bush Pregnant
¤ Airport Screeners Can't Detect Anything ¤ Rudeness Survey Proves U.S. Whiny
¤ Rich Awed by Poor ¤ Egan's Law passed
¤ Earth Beset by Global Coincidence ¤ Typo Causes Companies to Merde
¤ Drunk Women More Fun to Study ¤ Global March Madness
¤ God Names Jews Chosen People Again ¤ Swiss Taunted by UN Classmates
¤ Disinfo Agency "Closed." Right. ¤ How to Change a Spare Government
¤ Cheney Denies He's Expendable ¤ Corp's Cheat Like We Do
¤ U.S. to Consult, Ignore Allies ¤ French Judge Gives Taliban Win
¤ FBI Issues 5-Day Terror Forecast. ¤ Canada Has a Warship?
¤ Arafat, Sharon Walk off "Israel" Set ¤ Olympians Urged to Finish Behind U.S.
¤ Axis of Just as Evil ¤ Australia Wakes Up in North Atlantic
¤ Bush Chokes "the" Pretzel ¤ Students Demand Easier Countries
¤ Bush Left to Choke ¤ Asteroids Steered at Earth for Study
¤ You Must Satisfy Your Queen ¤ The Sou'wester Alliance of Afghanistan
¤ Pat Robertson Steps Down ¤ Human Embryo Cloned
¤ Cannibals Longing for Comfort Food ¤ U.S. Unprepared for Unlikely Threats
¤ Nation Pulls Together, Falls Over ¤ ACLU Takes Over Terror Investigation
¤ Airport Screening to Include Mammogram ¤ Afghan Mountains Surrender!
¤ U.S. to Halt Attacks During Holy Month
   Of Harry Potter Movie Release
¤ So Now God Takes an Interest
   In Answering New York's Prayers
¤ U.S. Returning to Highly Alert State of Normal ¤ Ozone No Longer Biggest Threat
¤ Militant Moderates Stage Modest Protests ¤ Hockey Brings Respite from Violence
¤ Star Trek Crew May Intervene ¤ Break Up the Red Cross
¤ Real-Life Disney Movie
   
Almost as Good as Animation
¤ U.S. Asks bin Laden to Be
   
Site of Massive Monument
¤ Amish Assail Novel 'Buggy Nights' ¤ Jesus Returns, Beatles Reunite,
China Destroyed, Microsoft Takes Over
Internet, But All Anybody Wants
to Talk About Is the Stupid Election

GENERAL BUSINESS/CONSUMER:

¤ Girlfriend Reports Disappointing Results ¤ Wall Street Questions CEO Signatures
¤ Bush Condemns Corruption, Mostly ¤ Cops Accused of Corporacial Profiling
¤ CEOnistas Make a Break for It ¤ Earnings Protected as "Art"
¤ Brawl at Economic Forum Weigh-In ¤ Andersen Does Right Thing, Changes Name
¤ Microsoft Spins Off Patch Company ¤ Enron CEO Joins Nigerian Firm
¤ Segway Human Transporter Acronym ¤ Enron Really Argentina
¤ Economy Forbidden to Recover ¤ SatireWire's Segway Scooter Coverage
¤ Lung Cancer Changes to Philip Morris ¤ Unemployed Have More Time to Shop
¤ Anti-Terror Bill Requires
   Americans to Install Windows XP
¤ Justice to Break Up Apple
   For Causing Microsoft Monopoly
¤ Leave Panic to Professionals ¤ Americans Pretending They Own Homes
¤ Atlanta Has Time to Hate Again ¤ Guard Escorts Self from Building
¤ Study Finds You Don't
   
Really Make a Difference
¤ Factory Orders Drop; "Most Consumers
   
Can't Afford Factories" Cited As Reason
¤ Dell "Recalls" Laptop Parts ¤ Revolution Comes, But at Bad Time
¤ Don't Panic Now, Panic Tuesday ¤ Media Convicts Media in Media
¤ Mad Cows Use Cell Phones ¤ Microsoft Admits to Lewinsky Affair
¤ Fed Drops Rates, Acid at Policy Rave ¤ The Job Fairy
¤ New Economy Deserves New Recession ¤ Gearing Up for the Ginger-Based Economy
¤ Car Phone Safety: Scream! Before Impact ¤ Nation's First 'Low-Stress' Casino Arrives
¤ New HMO Strategy: Pay Health Claims ¤ Consultancy Wins E-Gurgitate Award
¤ The Lord Takes Stake In Ford ¤ Moskowitzs Make More Money Than You
¤ Did Microsoft Hide Message In Ad? ¤ Europe Not Being Ignored
¤ AT&T to Downsize Itself, Others ¤ AT&T Ceases to Exist

INTERNET CULTURE:

¤ Virus Making Now Hate Crime ¤ Crackdown on Piracy
¤ Boring People Asked to Stop Encrypting ¤ Spamthrax Alert!
¤ Parents: Net Teaches Fuckin' Profanity ¤ Someday We'll Laugh Bitterly
¤ Oy, Visit Your Mother's Web Site ¤ e.e. commerce on Lam
¤ The Prodigal.com Son Returns ¤ Your Boss, a Hooker, and a Camera
¤ My Night with Bill Gates ¤ Stock Message Board Blues
¤ Nation Having Hard Time Giving
Shit About AOL-Time Warner Merger
¤ 2000: The Internet Year in Review
¤ "Cubists Launch Unnavigable Web Site ¤ DotCom Holiday Cards
¤ "Hackers-for-Nader" Deliver Victory ¤ Riot at Dot-Camp Alpha
¤ Internet to Be Private Club ¤ Personal Surfing Unaffected by Work
¤ Ellison To Grads: Diplomas Are For Losers ¤ Mr. Clickwell's Worst-Dressed Site List
¤ Americans Annoyed by "All this
   
International Shit" on Internet
¤ U.N. Grants Laid Off Dot-Com Workers
   
Refugee Status
¤ M.I.T. Spam Study Finds Instant Wealth,
   Sexy Coeds Just A Click Away!
¤ Survey: Majority Of Web Users Are
   
FBI Agents Posing As Teenage Girls
¤ Employee-Slapping Widespread, Effective ¤ Headhunting Firm Decapitates 250
¤ Third World Fears Internet Bubble ¤ If At First You Don't Succeed, Say So
¤ Tangentialism Strikes Net Stapler Toothbrush ¤ South Dakota Goes Digital
¤ Postcards From The Ex ¤ Interview With The Search Engine
¤ e.e. commerce: Internet Poet Laureate ¤ e.e. commerce Returns

NET BUSINESS:

¤ Court Rules MSFT Needs Time to Kill ¤ Seti Turns Down Alien Help
¤ Dell Supports Gateway Amnesty ¤ Apathy Bug in Windows XP
¤ Yahorny? Yahoo! ¤ Cisco Not Just Stock; Also Company
¤ MS Outlook Doesn't Spread Hoof-Mouth ¤ Tech Firms File Chapter 51
¤ Judge Denies Bias Against
   
Guilty Microsoft Bastards
¤ Opponents Say Net Ads Too Intrusive
   
Save 10% at Egghead.com
¤ Web Sites Fashions for Spring:
   
It's All About Pretty
¤ Napster Ordered to Stop As Soon As
   
Judges Finish Downloading Songs
¤ "The Next Amazon" ¤ Linux Will Stop Now
¤ DotCom Chain Letter Really Works! ¤ The Day Linux 2.4 Arrived
¤ .Museum? .Coop? ¤ Would Priceline Get Funded Today?
¤ Sun Releases Final Word On Microsoft ¤ Netizen Fears Hacks Will Steal His
   
CC# 8099 0788 341 9800 exp. 12/01
¤ Gore Puts Internet for Sale on eBay ¤ Very Vertical Search Engines
¤ Fed OKs "Prescribed Burn" Of Dot-Coms ¤ Mindspring Wants Annulment
¤ New Government Portal Design Leaked ¤ Dot-Com Mania: Loudcloud up 1/8!
¤ Windows Has French DNA ¤ Dot-Coms Not Really Dot-Coms
¤ Companies Demand To Be Monopolies ¤ Denial-Of-Service: The Real Victims
¤ Major Sites Hawking Minor's Privates? ¤ 'Mass Doping' Behind Net Stock Rise
¤ Sun To Merge With Paramedic ¤ Essay Winner To Control Net
¤ Auction Sellers Choose Hint Over Hype ¤ Start-Ups Forced To Pay In 'Money'
¤ Priceline Drops 'Name-Price For Money' ¤ EC Think Tank: Legalise Internet
¤ Success Built on Failure ¤ Clinton Taps Strategic Programmer Reserves
¤ It's Official: Everybody Hates Microsoft ¤ Internet Converts to Premium Services

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SatireWire is intended for use by those age 18 and older. All stories are fictional and satirical and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our disclaimer. All contents Copyright © 1999-2003, SatireWire, LLC. All rights reserved.

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